Idealist
by Selunchen123
Summary: Because Sakura was an idealist but that didn't mean she dreamt about a white wedding and perfect children.


Sakura had wondered, she had always wondered about the thing called death. In her short life only consisting of sixteen healthy years, she had experienced death and close encounters with death herself. However, somehow, when she was the one dying she never really minded the fact that she was leaving. She was sure that many people felt that way, or at least – those who had been close to dying. However, there was a young boy that she never quite understood. He had forever, in a long time screamed, yelled, proclaimed as loudly as he could, how he was never going to die.

Sakura didn't mind if she was going to die.

They say you shouldn't decide to die until you have fulfilled your dreams – Sakura was a dreamer, but didn't stay as one. Because one time, after the departure of Sasuke, Kakashi told her without a hint of lie in his voice, that she was an idealist. She didn't understand him at first, because she had been dreaming of the perfect wedding, the perfect children, and the perfect husband – but somehow, along the lines she chose a life that would never fulfil these ideas. Sakura really loved Sasuke and she were willing to die for him, that is how she figured out she didn't mind dying – as long as it was for Sasuke-kun.

However, during the years, as she continued to punch the air in a desperate attempt to reach her teacher, that she finally understood the reason why her teacher didn't mind dying. She was old and all the people she had lost was those she cared for. Sakura wasn't stupid, she knew that she had precious people too, but the reason why Tsunade didn't mind was because someone was waiting for her.

Sakura had been standing in the fields as she watched the clouds drift by, wondering if someone would be waiting for her when she died, or if she would have to wait for them. Her thoughts stopped when a blond-haired boy took her hand and led her down to the local ramenbar, strangely when he did; she had an extreme urge to smile.

Then there was another time, as she sat over the body of the Kazekage. She had seen pale people before, and she had seen dead people too – it was just the fact the way the people around her acted. Nothing was perfect, and nothing was harmony, and that is why he was so mad – the blonde-haired boy. She had never been the one to stop him from getting angry, she just led him be, she always did. So, when she watched the boy get so pained, inside of her she wondered if Gaara had wanted to die. Most likely not – that was when she began to realise the reason why people want to live, most of them. They had something they looked forward too, they had something to cherish, and they had _dreams._

Sakura's dreams were not that uncommon, they could get Sasuke back, and they could get happy. However, as Kakashi had said before, Sakura was an idealist. When Sakura was an idealist she thought that he meant, that she dreamed about a white-wedding, perfect children and family – she was wrong, Kakashi knew that Sakura somehow behind her shell, was an idealist because she didn't dream about her own dreams, she dreamt about others. It wasn't her fault that she fell in love with Sasuke, it was because all the other girls dreamt about him too – and as an insecure girl Sakura was destined to follow the others. So that is why she gave up her and Ino's dream, so she could become a part of another dream.

When Sakura really fell deeply in love with Sasuke, that is a complete different thing – just as she fell hopelessly in love with her other teammate, that is why she led him lead her by hand. When Sakura fell in love the first time, Sakura was the definition of an idealist, everything was so perfect as it could be, they would talk, chat – love. However, Sasuke is not meant to love – Kakashi is not meant to love – Naruto is not meant to love. So when did she stop being a dreamer? That was when the ideal image in her head didn't become herself, but everything else – that is why she suddenly didn't mind dying all of sudden.

You should not misunderstand her, she was nothing from suicidal, she loved to live, but she would have nothing to regret if she should pass away. Was it because she had never really thought about other people's feelings?

So the day, years after Sasuke had left, when Naruto stood before her door, drenched from top to toe, because it had been raining, she thought she really was going to die. Of course Sakura loved her team-mate with all of her heart – and she knew it was returned, but she had never thought about being intimate. Sakura was twenty, Naruto was nineteen, because today it was the ninth of October, two hours more and Naruto would be the same age as her.

That didn't really explain why he was there, and she didn't even know why. He was just so wet and rainy, that it seemed like the usually orange colour, was not orange anymore. What was missing?

So when he right there, in the middle of the street suddenly proclaiming he loved her, Sakura didn't know how to take it. When he began his awkward clumsy speech about how he wanted to live with her and how he wanted to kiss her, in a very un-narutoish way, she simply closed the door with a slam. Sakura had never been the type that dealt with these kind of things well when it came unexpectedly. She was scared – and now, for a reason unknown, she did mind when it came to death.

So that was the reason, why she just as quick as she slammed the door close opened it again. He was strange to look at, and he would get a cold if continued to stand there. So Sakura let him in.

Naruto had been in her house twice before, and he never really wanted to be there – the whole shop on the first floor was strange, and her mother was like Sakura and he never met her father. He was a business man of some sort, so he was hardly never home. He always walked up the stairs first, because Sakura tended to like small skirts and Naruto was decent enough to give her that sort of privacy.

She ignored his propose and came with cookies and tea, she apologized for having no ramen. Naruto as blinded as he was told her it was okay, that he didn't mind. So they sat there, and Sakura gave him a towel and turned on the television. Sakura was an idealist, so she watched the channels where dreams became reality. Before Sakura knew what had happened, the cookies were gone and with a gentle smile she went to pick up another tray of them – she just couldn't stay mad at the blond-haired boy. She liked him of course.

So she walked downstairs and came back.

It happened a lot after that, snowing, raining, sunny, he would stand there, but he didn't propose babies, he just wanted to enjoy her company.

Sakura didn't mind dying, and everyone would think that went against all idealists' ideas of perfect harmony. That was never the case of Sakura – but it was herself she didn't mind dying, all the other people she knew would cause her not only a heartache.

With Naruto bleeding in her arms, she came to the realisation that she had been wrong. To love someone is painful, it might be worth it the while they live. So is that the reason she screamed curses at him, wanting him to understand that she was pained.

Naruto is a stubborn person, so she needed to press him down in the mud and force him to lie down so she could heal his wounds. Naruto fought her for the first time in his life, and as an idealist she needed him to live.

"I am the one to die! Not you!"

He stopped then, just staring at her – then she healed his wounds.

-

A/N: strange weird - and strangely me when I am inspired ...the best.

all rights to Kishi (you stupid baka - why should Shika smoke..)


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